My ADHD Q&A – answering your questions about living with ADHD

This October, I’ve been keen to finally open up about living with ADHD for ADHD Awareness Month, culminating in this Q&A. This condition is so misunderstood and life-changing and I felt there was a lot of general information I could share, to both inform others and talk about my own experiences.

And yes… I eventually got around to actually posting this in December. I have ADHD. Go figure. 🙂

However, I must clarify, I am not a medical professional or expert in neurological disorders. You know, other than having one myself.

To make this post easier to sort through, I’ve split it into four sections:

• General ADHD Questions

• My Life and Work with ADHD

• ADHD & Lockdown

• ADHD & Travel 

GENERAL ADHD QUESTIONS

What causes ADHD?

ADHD is a neurological/neurodevelopmental condition. You are born with it and cannot get rid of it or grow out of it. There isn’t a ‘cure’ (and we don’t need one!) we simply have a different neurology. (See also: people with autism) There is no way to ‘catch’ or develop ADHD.

Brain scans show that us folk with ADHD have different brains – some parts of our brain are smaller. And our brain chemicals work differently – specifically dopamine and norepinephrine, and also potentially serotonin. More studies need to be done in this area before we know exactly how neuro disorders work.

Should I treat people with ADHD differently?

Great questions! First of all, I must note that you often cannot tell if someone has ADHD (or autism, or other conditions for that matter) which could be to us having less ‘stereotypical’ symptoms or because we have learned to Mask our symptoms to fit in with a neurotypical society. Many people mask so well, it even prevents them from getting diagnosed until they totally burn out from the effort!

Sometimes, yes… It’s definitely not right that we are held to the same standards (perhaps ‘expectations is a better word) as neurotypical people. I definitely appreciate that my best mates don’t ever get annoyed when I delay plans by losing things or spill stuff on their couch. I also take responsibility for this – I’ll ask for a cheap mug if someone only has expensive wine glasses haha.

I do wish I could work differently than my NT colleagues & go with the flow of my brain a bit more…

On the other hand… we already ARE treated differently. Especially in terms of being named weird, quirky, scatter-brained, doing stuff for attention, crazy, etc… even if we are acting totally ‘normal’ for our brain!

We also get left behind in many areas of life statistically (relationships, careers, finances, more likely to have accidents, addictions or go to prison etc). So from this point of view, I do think more support and understanding is necessary.

Is ADHD genetic?

Having a parent with ADHD and/or autism increases the chance you will have ADHD and/or autism. It’s unlikely a single member of a family has ADHD or autism. 

Many parents won’t know they have ADHD until their child gets diagnosed. I even spoke to someone who thought she had early onset dementia (there are some similarities, such as executive dysfunction) but finally got diagnosed with ADHD!

How do you tell if someone has ADHD?

You can’t! ADHD is not a behavioural issue. Whilst it has many visible symptoms., they present differently in each of us. Not to mention how pro some of us get at hiding ADHD (at least on the outside)!

Often the things which are hardest to deal with are not noticeable to neurotypical people. Unfortunately, it’s the things which are most noticeable to our NT peers (or most annoying to them…) that are most likely to get someone diagnosed with ADHD, leading to the stereotype that it’s mostly just hyperactivity and being disruptive in class. SMH.

Listening to different experiences and reading up to date research can help you understand ADHD.

If you are a teacher, parent, partner, friend, or loved one of someone with ADHD, please scroll to the bottom off this post for more resources on understanding ADHD.

MY LIFE & WORK WITH ADHD

Do you struggle with attention to detail at work? 

Damn, this sucks. I’m sorry for this. 🙁 I’ve absolutely struggled with this. I make silly mistakes and also regularly duplicate tass because I don’t remember I already did it.

I’ve definitely learned I need to do easy jobs that I can complete even if my brain doesn’t show up to work one day or if I couldn’t sleep the night before. Temping helps because I’m a fast learner than get slowly worse at my job once I know what to do haha. 

(cont’d) I lost my dream job for this reason. I’m pretty sure I have ADHD.

The neurodivergent crowd totally sympathise with this and I hope you get the answers you need.

ADHD symptoms must have been present before the age of 7 for a diagnosis so that’s something to think about. For example, at school I could get 20/20 on a spelling test but frequently write the same words incorrectly because I struggle to pay attention proof read… as I’m sure people are regulars on my blog may have noticed haha 😛

As a teen, I’d do better in exams than in coursework, because even with no revision I felt like I was given more of a level playing field. Despite no official diagnosis at that time, with coursework/essays I already understood I had a different timescale for the work haha… i.e.; a few hours before the deadline, usually! This became a massive problem at university.

You can still have ADHD and good grades, just to dispel that myth! I mean, dropped from an A* to a B in all the subjects that bored me but no teacher is gonna notice that.

Do you find short term memory to be an issue? You have a conversation and forget it less than 5 minutes later?

Yes! I usually feel like my working memory (short-term memory) essentially doesn’t exist hahaa. 

Something that helps working memory is to repeat what you have to remember out loud:

‘I am putting the keys in the front pocket of my bag.’

‘I am turning the oven off.’

‘I am taking my meds this morning.’

‘I am going to the cupboard to find coffee.’

Obz this is only useful at home… aaanndd I usually forget to do this tip anyway! 

Oh! Apparently this is also why we blurt stuff out/interrupt people! Not only is our brain craving dopamine but we’ll also forget what we’re going to say otherwise haha. I also often drift off mid-sentence which is very embarrassing in a work environment hahah

Have your feelings changed towards having ADHD – do you feel better about it now? 

Oh interesting… kinda. Many people talk about grieving for the ‘life they could have had’ without ADHD and I do get that! But the initial official diagnosis was also a huge relief. Suddenly your whole life makes sense. You’re not weird anymore haha.

And you realise there are many other neurodivergent people out there who relate to your struggles. And don’t see you as ‘different’, but simply as the person who you are! 

Of course, I still wish we lived in a society which would encourage divergent thinkers rather than expecting us to Pretend To Be Neurotypical our entire lives which is too exhausting. And impossible!

But I don’t feel bad about having ADHD anymore.

Do you choose to medicate? If so, in what ways does it help?

Yes. I have a small dose of Concerta daily.

I feel like it does nothing most of the time because my brain is still full of worms. However, I can tell when I forget to take it! And I think it helps me start tasks like laundry and cleaning? In fact, I think that’s the biggest difference haha.

I also have medications for depression and insomnia. (Also due to unrelated PTSD, though these can also be comorbid conditions with ADHD.) 

What positives are there for someone living with ADHD?

ADHD definitely has its high points!

Being playful, creative, goofy, starting conversations with my friends when they’ll have no idea where we’ll end up (sorry guys hehe), having silly fun at any age… and being less inclined to follow arbitrary adult rules in favour of living by your own mind and values.

ADHD & LOCKDOWN

How did you manage in 2020 with ADHD?

Well, that first lockdown with strangers was hard haha. 

Not being able to leave the house is/was less overwhelming in terms of my executive dysfunction… because usually I get very fatigued from organising life. For example, I don’t need to worry about forgetting stuff when I go out which usually takes a huge amount of effort.

It is also more chilled for me to have no social obligations (haven’t seen anyone I knew before February since February haha).

On the downside, I d have anxiety and… empathy. Obviously. If my loved ones are not happy, I am not happy. My mood is often determined by my sense of purpose towards others and how the people around me are doing. There have certainly been months this year where I can’t remember the last time I laughed. Or smiled.

I’ve been through harder things personally, and been in houses with worse situations for far longer than a year, in my past. So overall I have to manage my response to the news, rather than manage my own experience. 

Hardest thing about having ADHD in lockdown?

I get sensory overload and going to the supermarket is stressful. Plus usually, I NEVER wait in queues… I’ll go without until I pass the shop again without a queue. During the first lockdown, I had to download meditative music to wait in the supermarket queue. I was also doing stretches in the queue since I can’t stand still haha.

ADHD & TRAVEL

I also have ADHD. Do you find it pushes you to travel and get away?

I do definitely need variety in general, though variety of ‘the mind’ would usually suffice. For example, creating or learning new things – usually hyper fixating on whatever my brain decides on that day! Interesting conversation helps a lot but I spend too much time alone. I think this is more important to me than a variety of activities.

However, there’s definitely a link between ADHD and my decision to solo travel. It almost came out of nowhere… one day I just knew I had to go. I needed change and to get out of my life (and specifically my struggles with PTSD) so when my brain impulsively landed on Travel I obsessively worked and researched to save for it. 

Does ADHD affect your travels?

Yes. I think one reason I really struggled with solo travel at the beginning was because nearly all travel advice is based on neurotypical brains! I really struggled with my mental health because it was just too overwhelming.

From now on, I’ve learned how to plan my travels with my own neurology in mind. I have a blog post with more advice on this here:

How to travel with ADHD

How to deal with Sensory Overload on the Road

More resources about ADHD…

Parents, teachers and children…

Resources made by and for people with ADHD (rather than simply NTs perspective of it) is a great way to help your loved one with ADHD.

Finding resources FOR kids with ADHD or autism and taking time to ask how it affects them (and not just their grades and classmates) is so important! We are likely to grow up with social anxiety and/or low self-esteem, especially women. Finding support which isn’t just making us ‘mask’ our symptoms, but showing us we are valuable as we already are, is truly worthwhile.

Adults with ADHD…

Alongside the above points, finding out HOW our brain works (and why this makes us think differently) is also helpful!

Working out WHY we struggle with certain things can also help us find ways to cope. For example, I realised I get very stressed with tasks like tidying/cleaning because they are ‘multi-step’ tasks which really overwhelm me. In my flat, I quickly offered to do the hoovering each week when I moved in.

This is a ‘single step’ task (one machine. and the pacing up and down stops me getting too anxious) as opposed to a multistep task such as unloading the dishwasher (lots of different doors to open and items to handle and having to remember where they go). My flatmate even kindly puts the vacuum back in the cupboard for me after – this extra step gets me every time!

Alongside listening to your personal healthcare professional – everyone with ADHD is different – below are some relatable, neurodivergent creators who inform others about ADHD in both intelligent and interesting ways:

@ADHD_alien – comics about the daily struggles with ADHD.

@danidonovan – relatable ADHD comics – ‘those of us with ADHD deserve to feel understood’

(You can also find them on Twitter or Instagram.)

ADHD Foundation – a UK-based neurodiversity charity. Check out this PDF booklet which gives kids and teens ‘the opportunity to learn or remind yourself of the positives of having an ADHD brain’ with stories written by people who have ADHD – Stories that Never Stand Still

Black Girl, Lost Keys – René Brooks’ website is a fantastic resource for adults with ADHD, with a particular emphasis on educating and motivating women with ADHD

Failing at Normal: An ADHD Success Story – this video was instrumental in helping me realise I wanted to take time to understand my brain. It was emotional! I highly recommend listening to Jessica’s story if you want to learn more about ADHD for the first time! She is very relatable informative and smart. 

How to ADHD – this youtube channel is also created by Jessica McCabe and has many great resources, for parents, teachers, AND kids and adults with ADHD!

Videos include everything from adult ADHD issues such as fixing credit, relationship struggles. and cleaning the kitchen, to classroom-friendly fidget toys and self-care for kids.

Thank goodness for creators with ADHD who are creating content for us! I wish I could tell all these lovely people how much I appreciate their hard work. Please recommend any more awesome ADHD creators in the comments below!

Feel free to leave any more questions in the comments below as well. 🙂

And yes these photos of me enjoying a sunset in Mangawhai have been totally unrelated to this blog post. They are simply the last images I’ve downloaded to my phone and thus the easiest thing to add. Also it’s, like, my personal website, stop judgin’. Byebye.