14 methods I use to SURVIVE HOSTELS as an INTROVERT (with social anxiety!)
This is my hostel survival guide for introverts, keeping in mind anyone with anxiety too. And apologies in advance for lumping my tips for introverts and anxiety together, as they, of course, are two different things. For one thing… being an introvert isn’t a mental health issue!
Obviously. If you’re an introvert, take care to give yourself alone time and space on the road. Hopefully, this guide can help you do that even in a hostel environment!
If you have anxiety, I would just advise taking extra care to go through these tips and to look out for yourself on the road. As someone with social anxiety, it was hard to balance my low-budget travel style (what’s more low-budget than a hostel dorm?) with my mental needs. But I did manage it!
To reassure you, for the most part, staying in hostels has been easier than I expected. I’ve often thought, ‘Man, I’m glad I didn’t splurge’ because the dorm ended up so quiet, clean and ‘private feeling’. And honestly, unless you’re actively an extrovert, most people are doing their own thing in a hostel and leave you to it. So you can choose if you want to join in one day or just keep to yourself. I’ve not had many issues with people interrupting me when I wanted to be alone.
Also, it’s really easy to avoid party hostels. Many lovely local families run hostels as small businesses too. There are as many small hostels as there are big, party ones. The only place I really struggled to find a suitable, affordable hostel was Australia – although I was also working and looking for a flat at the time!
Of course, this post will resonate differently depending on just how much of an introvert you are. If you prefer your own space but enjoy meeting new people, getting involved in a hostel outing may be a great way to meet people!
If you have bad social anxiety and feel alienated by big crowds, you’re probably more likely to meet someone if you book a small dorm room. Pretty much all the friends I made travelling were in small, all-female dorm rooms! I never made a friend in a common area, I’m simply too uncomfortable in that environment.
If you’re a long-term traveller, it might take weeks or months to know your limits and what travel style you’re comfortable with! This is totally normal, so don’t be disheartened if you don’t work everything out straight away.
Benefits of staying in a hostel:
- You WILL save the most money staying in hostels, especially if you are a solo traveller
- Staff can be super helpful, giving you local tips and advising you on travelling between cities/places. I’ve found the local information from hostels to be way more involved than other accommodations!
- Often clean, quiet and comfortable
- Often have free tea/coffee and breakfast
- The easiest way to meet people when solo travelling, even for introverts
- Often have free walking tours and many other events, or discounts on tours from other companies
- In my experience, they often feel safer than an Airbnb (it’s all in my head, but hostels do feel more secure, haha)
METHODS I USE TO SURVIVE HOSTELS AS AN INTROVERT (WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY)!
Ignore people who keep pressuring you to ‘get out of your comfort zone’!
This is particularly the case if you’re travelling with anxiety or another mental illness.
I’m just going to start with this as I’ve had a few comments over the years when I’ve talked about struggling to do certain activities etc… I’ve been having a bad day, and the response has been, ‘You need to get out of your comfort zone.’ I found this frustrating and upsetting because I really was doing my best.
I had to keep reminding myself I have mental health issues, and I’m STILL solo travelling the world. This IS already out of my comfort zone, and I am proud of myself.
Don’t feel like missing out on certain activities or travelling slower is ever a step back! You’re already out there in the world, right? You’re doing great!
Don’t try to keep up with everyone else! Do things at the pace that is best for YOU! This is your trip, and you deserve to enjoy it the way you want to! If everyone else is making a day trip, but you feel tired and want to watch a movie or potter around the city? DO IT! Get a massage, take a hike in nature or even stay in bed. You can go on your own wicked day trip tomorrow. And you never know when a relaxed, extroverted traveller will take you under their wing for a while. That’s always interesting..!
Despite taking it slow at times, I still have loads of crazy adventures under my belt! Absolutely dive in, go on day trips, and push yourself to some extent, but for some extroverted personality types… it’s not enough. They don’t understand that a little step for them is a HUGE STEP for us.
This tip mainly goes for people with anxiety – if you need to spend one day in your bunk easing off a panic attack, don’t feel like you’re a terrible traveller in some way compared to people who are constantly doing activities. You’re having a panic attack in a foreign country, possibly on your own, which is very courageous and admirable. I mean, it totally sucks, but it doesn’t mean you’re not epic.
Book small rooms in small hostels
Personally, I prefer small hostels as the staff get to know everyone and often talk to you like family! This was particularly the case for the friendly hostels in Java, such as the Bodhi Tree on Karimunjawa Island.
Similarly, book a room with 4-6 people over a room with 12-18 people. This is a no-brainer, really. You also might prefer a space where the beds are not super cramped together (check the reviews and photos) or an all-female dorm. Although I stay in mixed dorms, I have found chatting with people in a small all-female dorm easier. (No offence, lads.)
Some hostels offer ensuite bathrooms, so you could look out for that if you’d prefer to share a bathroom with fewer people.
Check the reviews for helpful staff
Small hostels will often be run by just one family or a few lovely locals – they will be professional and kind. You may also prefer hostels where the staff speak excellent English since it can be less nerve-wracking speaking to the staff than it is to speak to other backpackers (in my experience).
Sometimes big party hostels have backpackers working in exchange for accommodation; as you can imagine, they don’t really care about the work. In a party hostel, they often drink behind the desk or join in on the parties. I found this a little uncomfortable when I experienced it. As someone with anxiety, I need to know the hostel feels safe and secure.
Of course, lots of amazing travellers work in hostels too! So apologies for this generalization. I’ve had great experiences with travellers from all over the world working for accommodation, but again usually in small to medium-sized hostels.
Look for hostels that make free breakfasts or have food onsite!
Most blogs tell solo travellers to look out for happy hours and hostels that organise loads of events. In my experience, usually in social hostels, I’ve ended up feeling lonelier because I haven’t had the confidence to join in – especially when people are drinking.
While I still recommend this for some people, for me, it’s better to look for a hostel that does complimentary breakfast! Breakfast is a great way to meet people in a more relaxed setting, and it’s less chaotic than hostel bars – plus, if it’s free, you’re guaranteed people will be there! I’ve met people at breakfast multiple times. The same goes for hostels with food onsite – sometimes it’s easier to meet people over dinner than it is over three pints if you’re genuinely an anxious personality.
Also, if people are talking about plans for that day at breakfast, they are more likely to stick to them. This means you have an easy peasy reason to spend the day with your new mate and have someone to do an activity with.
Find an enormous variety of hostels at HostelWorld – the original and best place for backpackers to find budget accommodation worldwide!
Take a Kindle, book or tablet/laptop to watch Netflix
I found the evenings way harder than the daytime as an anxious solo traveller. What was I meant to do with all this extra time since I didn’t have the funds (or will) to go drinking or feel like wandering around aimlessly in the dark? (FYI, the latter is never a great idea.)
I spent evenings giving time back to myself with Netflix or a book. I even downloaded some things in advance and now PLAN how I’ll spend quiet evenings travelling. Will I work on my blog, do an online course, or binge-watch Battlestar Galactica? The opportunities are endless.
Bonus – other people crave quiet movie times too! A few times, someone who felt homesick or needed some quiet time would curl up with me in my bunk-nest, and we’d have a movie day or evening. Add a lovely cup of tea, and boom – you got yourself the perfect introvert travel break.
And hey, one day at breakfast, when I was getting a coffee, some dude said, ‘Hey, you’re Netflix girl’. What a great thing to be known for. Woohoo. (And then I never spoke to him again. Obvs.)
Look for walking tours.
This is the one activity I actually don’t mind with strangers! Although it took months until I worked up the courage to join one. They often attract visitors of all ages (especially if you choose to do one run by anyone other than your hostel, though I’ve had great luck with hostel ones too). Because you’re in public, you can politely excuse yourself and leave anytime. I also found it less pressure than anything where alcohol is involved.
It’s definitely worth checking reviews. Personally, I prefer one with genuine cultural and historical facts.
Help someone (lend them some mosquito spray or a USB port)
The easiest way to break the ice as an introvert? Do you hear someone in your dorm is out of mosquito spray and can’t get any more till tomorrow? Perhaps it’s ibuprofen or a plaster they need? Or maybe there are only two plug sockets for six people, but you have a plug with multiple USB Ports you can share.
I think that telling a stranger, ‘Oh, I have one you can borrow,’ is a less intimidating conversation starter since they are almost guaranteed to be pleased. These conversations don’t always go anywhere, but your kindness will give you the best sort of social kickback, nonetheless.
Maybe if someone is feeling down and needs someone to talk to, you can offer to have a quiet dinner with them and let them know they can talk to you. Sometimes one-on-one situations are much more comfortable for introverts.
Search ‘quiet’ and ‘loud’ in the booking.com review section
This is a great way to get an idea of what vibe a hostel has! You can easily avoid party hostels by doing a small amount of detective work.
Head to the review section on booking.com, and you can search by specific words. This way, you’ll see other complaints (and praises) concerning noise, parties, etc.
You can also check the photos to see what vibe the hostel is keen to show off. A big crowd of backpackers holding drinks in their hands with neon lights behind them? It might not be for you! Calm, outdoor seating area with good coffee and a house plant, and a photo of a solo traveller reading a book? Hm, you might be in luck!
Book hostels with curtains over the bunk beds
These are particularly popular in Asia, but I saw them occasionally when I was backpacking through The Balkans. However, you can always cheat this if you’re on the bottom bunk by hanging your towel from the bunk above.
In Japan, you can sometimes book ‘capsule-style’ beds where you really do have your own private cocoon.
You won’t always be able to find them, but it’s a bonus when you do.
Know your limits and ALWAYS have enough in your budget to splurge on a private room
Learn from mistakes – don’t push yourself to do the budget option so you can travel longer for less if it’s affecting your mental health! I should definitely have travelled for LESS time during my initial Southeast Asia trip and alternated between dorms and private accommodation.
Overall, dorms were great as I made many friends in small female dorms (but never in the common space) because it would be more relaxed and less scary. But it did get to a point where I was feeling highly drained and anxious all the time and not even enjoying my trip. No regrets because we live and learn, but going forward, I’d rather have a short and more enjoyable trip.
I felt comfortable booking dorms on shorter trips, such as when I spent two weeks backpacking Java. I researched them well, and it wasn’t long enough for me to completely burn out. But recently, when living and working online in Thailand for a few weeks, I booked myself a private room at a budget hotel in Koh Lanta. Honestly, it did more good for me than the more extended, extremely budget backpacker trip I did through Thailand when I first began travelling.
Don’t be afraid of eating alone.
I usually take earphones so no one will disturb me, and either a Kindle app book or something to watch on YouTube. Honestly, no one will really pay attention to you, so there’s no need to feel embarrassed or like people are looking at you.
You might prefer eating at a restaurant/cafe that doesn’t have a bar. As a vegetarian traveller (now vegan!), I find that the vibes in eco-conscious cafes are very relaxing. Similarly, I prefer the vibe in digital nomad cafes to a busy, backpacker-style cafe. I will now budget accordingly to be able to avoid the most active but cheapest street food sections in favour of a calmer vibe when I need it.
If you’re travelling in Europe or other expensive countries, you probably use the hostel kitchen. Avoid peak meal times and wear earphones if you’re keen to keep to yourself.
Don’t worry if you don’t make friends immediately or struggle to meet people on your wavelength.
Again, this is all about not putting too much pressure on yourself. I read so much about solo travellers making friends everywhere they go, and honestly… I felt like there was something wrong with me. You can read more about my experiences solo travelling with social anxiety here.
This pressure made me feel so lonely. So take a deep breath, and know how strong and capable you are (even if you feel like sh*te, you’re STILL travelling, right?) Give yourself a break, literally and emotionally.
When I’m low, I often go on social media and chat with other travellers online, which helps me establish a sense of long-term community. This isn’t about growing an account or becoming a blogger. There are loads of Facebook groups dedicated to solo travellers and an Instagram account where you follow a few like-minded travellers can also help. You can follow my own mental health and travel journeys here: https://instagram.com/cassiethehag
Travel off-season
No guarantees, of course, but when I travelled through The Balkans in the off-season, I had many hostel dorms to myself. When solo backpacking in Kosovo, I was basically living in private dorms for 4 euros a night. Woohoo.
Similarly, I relished the experience on a Malaysian island where it essentially got shut down for three days, and we all had an excuse to stay in and have movie days. Perfection.
Download calming music or use a meditation app like Calm to help you relax and sleep
Noisy hostel dorm? Listening to calming music can help keep the anxiety at bay. It’s not a perfect solution, but it does help. I love listening to the Calm app for sleep meditations, but there is also lots of sleepy music on apps like Amazon Music or Spotify.
I also highly recommend having an eye mask with you and earplugs if you find them comfortable. You can read my complete packing list for Southeast Asia here. Or this one covers what to pack for Europe in Winter.
If you really can’t sleep due to loud noise and you’re starting to get bad anxiety, sit up, and put on a relaxing movie with your earphones in. Take some deep breaths, maybe even get a cuppa or some water. Try to remember it’s okay that you’re just resting. You may even find you naturally get tired and fall asleep when you’re not thinking about it as much.
Find an enormous variety of hostels at HostelWorld – the original and best place for backpackers to find budget accommodation worldwide!
For me it’s the opposite. I am social, and people always completely ignores me. Then again, I am a male, so people are not that interested in getting to know me. Most of the time I feel like the invisible man, which is why I hate hostels. I have tried couchsurfing as a way to meet people, but nobody wants me as a guest either. I have sent countless requests, but so far I have only been accepted twice (and they both gave me good references).
This negative feedback of always being rejected tends to make me bitter and hostile against the world, which makes it even less likely that someone will talk to me.
And I’m always eating alone, even if I prefer not to.
Great tips! I never would have thought to search the reviews for “quiet” and “loud”, but that’s a great way to assess the vibe of a hostel before you book.
You are a very brave woman. I am a shy extrovert, so definitely need my alone time. I always have a book with me and would love the curtained bed.
I do love a good hostel, but I could definitely see how that’d be tough as an introvert with social anxiety! Great tips!
Thanks so much Eric, and I really value your opinion here as an extrovert! It’s definitely good to mix it up sometimes.
As an extroverted person I was at first thinking this was going to be all the opposite of things I would want to do since I love the noise and am an active traveler. But you really mixed this up quite a bit, and I feel like I should apologize for my presumptions! I guess if you are introverted there may be times when you do want to mix it up but just don’t know where to begin. So these tips, like doing walking tours, attempting to connect with others during breakfast are quite on point!
Ah that recharge time is so important. Thankfully, most people do leave you to it in a hostel – it’s that very occasional comment I choose to ignore hehe.
I totally get this too – it’s a struggle, but also the BEST way to save money if you’re solo. So if there’s a way to make it work, that’s great!
These are great tips! When I was in University we travelled to Italy and stayed in some reallllly nice hostels, as a group, but I can totally identify with being anxious sharing a space with strangers. I’m a huge introvert and would probably really struggle with doing that now! But I love the hostel environment and freebies that go with it! And hello, saving money!! A lot of people thing hostels are scary places but they don’t have to be!
These are such great tips. I consider myself an extroverted introvert. I am outgoing and love being around people but I need time to myself to “recharge”. I can’t imagine the feeling of being pressured all of the time to do things if they aren’t in your comfort zone.
I feel the same way! It’s a great way to save some money but can be hard at times.
Oh brilliant! I’ve actually never had much luck with earplugs, I feel like they don’t fit properly or drown the noise, but it’s great to hear they do really work!
I love these tips, they’re all so practical. There are so many benefits to staying in a hostel, but as an introvert myself, I know how hard it can be to adjust to staying in a dorm. I must say though, after years of staying in them, I think the experience has helped me overcome some of my shyness. One tip to add for sleeping in noisy hostels – Nowadays I ALWAYS being earplugs with me when sleeping in a dorm. That way, if it ends up being a noisy hostel, I can pop in my earplugs and sleep peacefully. Works like a charm for me.
This is so true! I stay in hostels but I also have anxiety so sometimes being in a room with other people makes me feel a bit off. Thank you for sharing these tips!